“I herewith attest to all voluptuous women that the pleasure they will experience of ass-fucking will always by much surpass the one they experience in having a man by the cunt.”
Marquis de Sade, The Philosophy of the Bedroom: Madame de St-Ange
A few years ago, while skimming through an encyclopedia of erotic cinema, I discovered, I must admit without a certain surprise, I was regarded as a specialist of anal (and of “champagne blowjobs,” but that is an entirely different story). Once the shock of such a revelation left me, I had to recognize to myself that anal sex had not only become natural to me, but also the best way to reach an orgasm during the not-always-ideal context of filming. It also offered me the most enjoyable, almost mystical orgasms in the intimacy of my own love life. I truly could not refuse such a title.
But what a long journey it had been, since the days of my first attempts at it! I was seventeen when, curious and greedy to sexually experience all I could, I proposed to my boyfriend to give it a go: we knew it was going to be a difficult task, but, as wise as we were, we did make sure we had lubricant handy (the pat of butter we found in the fridge). He penetrated me several times while I was lying on my belly, with my butt cheeks open and greased up… but not in the orifice I wanted. My lover was balancing himself on one hand and was using the other to firmly hold his penis while trying to get into me without slipping out. I could feel the head of it against my butthole, hard and painful as a bone, followed by a kind of “pinch” that ended up feeling a lot like those Chinese burns we used to get done by mates as kids. Then came a tearing pain, so deep and widespread I cannot even describe it. We capitulated at our first try, and failure, I admit it, felt worse than pain. All this to say that not all roads lead to Sodom.
With time, I learned to train my sphincter’s muscles by relaxing and let them dilate: some lubricant, one finger, two fingers, then three… It became a painless process. Now, I only needed to get horny. What a delight it was to defy such a taboo, to experiment with a practice considered as ugly as bestiality and the ultimate act against nature! (enjoying the paradox here?) Morally, “against nature” means the goal of a sexual act is not reproduction, but “only” pleasure.
The anus is not considered an erogenous zone: the dislike –almost disgust– for this essential part of our own anatomy is deeply rooted within us. Anal sex is considered filthy, degrading, painful … mental inhibition stops us from exploring this area and ultimately cripples our capability of feel pleasure. The rewards are certainly worth it, though. A simple pressure upon your perineum will produce a wave of warmth throughout your lower belly; caressing gently the muscle’s folds while receiving vaginal oral can trigger an immediate orgasm; trying analingus (anal oral sex) can release veritable tentacles of pleasure that will quickly run through your entire body and reach up to your head. The anus finally throbs and demands to be penetrated… It’s a miracle! The anus is, alas, erotized or, even better, erogenized.
A true, anal orgasm was to come a bit later in my life, with the help of a film maker who had bragged about knowing a Tao sex secret: in fact, he was not bragging at all. The simultaneous stimulation of clitoris and anus opened the door to an orgasm that felt like an electric shock through the body, as if a hidden, sensitive nerve had woken up after years and years. This first, mixed orgasm eventually led me to enjoy a pure anal one: it is a totally different experience from those one gets from stimulating the clitoris, the vagina or even the G Spot. An anal orgasm originates within the deepest part of my entrails and explodes powerfully and intensely, so much so I cannot describe it with words, just as I could not describe the pain of that first anal experience when I was a teenager. A true, total orgasm, a true, total gift…
For many, anal sex is an ultimate act of submission, magnificently described by Toni Bentley in The Surrender: these sensations, this idea of being dominated, albeit fascinating and uncontestable, are unknown to me: a dominated woman sees things differently. You need to be fully “yours”, to give yourself. Let yourself go is an act of absolute trust: in your partner and in yourself.
It really is true: anal is the ultimate sexual act of trust, and it allows for a real, intimate moment of union. Those who cannot conceive sex without love will find it as pleasurable as the libertines (maybe more, as everything is better when you are in love, sex included).
Whether you seek the intellectual thrills of perverse games, the widening of your sensual horizons, a bestial rush or a paroxysm of romantic physical union, you should dare to try anal…
Coralie Trinh Thi